When it comes to the ingredients for career success, people are often encouraged to think that they should say: “Yes!” to everything that comes their way. This may make those around you happy – but it’s unlikely to meet your needs, suggests Michelle Gibbings
As an in-demand EA, it is probably not unusual to find yourself agreeing to things you don’t want to do; being over-worked and under-appreciated. In time you may feel resentful, and you will struggle to find the balance that works for you.
An essential part of avoiding burnout and having the career you want is learning how and when to say “No” successfully. And crucial part of this is being ready and willing to deliver your this response with courage, compassion and conviction.
Know your no
Acclaimed author Paulo Coelho said: “When you say ‘yes’ to others, make sure you are not saying ‘no’ to yourself”. Knowing when you want to say “no” establishes boundaries, clarifies what matters to you and helps you prioritise. For example, in the context of a negotiation, it helps outline what’s open to discussion. When you know your counterpart’s “no”, you’re better aware of where they’re willing to compromise. Likewise, for them, your areas of optionality.
Challenge your reasoning
We say: “Yes” to things, often reluctantly, because it’s easier than explaining why we don’t want to do something – or because we don’t want to hurt someone’s feelings or have a difficult conversation. Instead, start by asking: “Why not?”. Investigating what a potential yes involves helps you clarify your reasoning. It can help you determine the right thing for you, the others involved and the organisation (if it’s a business-based decision). With those perspectives in hand, you gain confidence that your “No” isn’t a reaction you’ll regret later but a well-reasoned response.
Communicate specifically
Be clear in your communication. Just saying: “No” and nothing else can be interpreted as rude or disinterested. Instead, express your statement positively and explicitly. Here is a recent responses I got and liked: “My general philosophy in life is to have a big YES inside you regarding your purpose and goals so that you know what you want to do. This makes it easier to say NO to things that don’t fit with that. So I’m going to say no, not for any reason other than it would take time away from things that I prefer to dedicate my limited spare time to.”
This response was good for three reasons:
- The reason for the decline was unambiguous
- The tone was correct; there was no need to apologise
- It was fast. I got the “no” within an hour of my making the request.
To communicate effectively the content of the message matters, and does delivery. The message gets lost if you’re too wordy, wishy-washy and confusing. Stand in your conviction and back yourself by delivering the message with resolve and compassion for other people’s needs.
Value relationships
Be genuine in your response and make sure you are open to hearing the other person’s point of view. They have the right to express disappointment or discontent about your “no” to something they want. Listen and ensure they feel heard. Also, be fast with your response. If you delay, it can make the situation harder for the other person in terms of making an alternative plan.
Don’t ruminate
Once you’ve said: “No”, be comfortable with your decision and move on.
A successful career is a long-term game, which means it’s crucial to back yourself and your needs. Saying “No” is a vital part of that.
