In an exclusive interview with Executive PA, communications specialist and author Leah Mether shares practical techniques for EAs navigating difficult conversations with their executives.
Q: EAs often need to deliver unwelcome news to their executive (a meeting conflict, a budget overrun, a missed deadline). What’s the most common mistake people make when delivering bad news?
A: Dancing around the issue; being vague or overexplaining because you’re uncomfortable delivering the message. When we avoid clarity, we create confusion. Executives are often left trying to work out what the actual problem is.
Instead, lead with the headline: “We have a conflict with the board meeting and the client presentation, and at this stage both can’t happen as scheduled.” Then move quickly into the context, impact and options. Clear is kind, particularly under pressure.
Q: An EA spots a problem with their exec’s approach; maybe a presentation that misses the audience’s concerns or a decision that could backfire. How do you raise this without overstepping?
A: The key is to frame it as support, not opposition. Make your positive intent clear and speak to your executive’s motivations. Try language like: “I know how important this presentation is for you and that you want it to hit the mark, so can I offer a suggestion?” or “One concern I think the audience may have is…”
This shows you have their best interests at heart and keeps the conversation collaborative.
Q: EAs frequently field questions on behalf of their exec when they don’t know the full picture. What’s a better response than “I’m not sure, I’ll check with [exec] and get back to you”?
A: Focus first on what you do know and what will happen next: “I don’t have the full detail on that yet, but what I can tell you is…” creates confidence and reassurance without pretending to have answers you don’t have.
A simple four-part framework helps:
- Here’s what I know.
- Here’s what it means or what we’re doing about it.
- Here’s what I don’t know yet.
- Here’s when and how I’ll come back to you.
Q: When an EA needs to say no to their executive because a request isn’t feasible or would derail higher priorities, what’s the best way to frame that refusal?
A: Avoid a flat no and instead explain the trade-off. Executives make decisions all day, so helping them see the consequence of a request is far more useful than simply refusing it.
Try: “If we say yes to this, it will impact your board briefing preparation time, which you asked me to protect – so my recommendation is we push back on this deadline.” That keeps the conversation solutions-focused and reinforces that you’re protecting priorities, not being difficult.
Q: When an EA is in a tense conversation with their exec – maybe the exec is frustrated or defensive – what’s one specific technique to stay calm and clear?
A: Get curious, not furious. Put a deliberate pause between your reaction and your response by taking a breath and then asking a question. It gives your brain time to move from reacting emotionally to responding intentionally.
Slow the pace of the conversation by asking something like: “Can I check I’ve understood the main concern here?” Slowing the interaction down often helps de-escalate it.
Q: You say avoiding hard conversations damages teams. What does that damage look like in an EA/exec partnership?
A: Avoiding difficult conversations because you don’t want to upset someone isn’t kind, it’s often cruel. The best EA/executive relationships are built on trust, honesty and having each other’s back.
EAs are often the eyes and ears of their executive. If you know their messaging isn’t landing with the broader team and you stay silent, the executive keeps missing the mark. And if they later realise you knew but didn’t tell them, trust can be broken. The kindest thing to do is raise issues early.
Q: You say clarity is kindness. When an EA is trying to clarify expectations or boundaries with their exec, what does kind clarity sound like in practice?
A: Focus on being kind, not nice. Nice avoids hard conversations and focuses on people-pleasing. Kind has hard conversations early because it’s the right thing to do.
Kind clarity sounds direct, respectful and specific. It’s flagging issues early, giving constructive feedback and setting realistic expectations, all with warmth and the intention of helping.
“I can absolutely make that happen, but I need to flag that the turnaround time is really tight and I’m concerned the quality will suffer if we rush it.” That’s not being difficult, it’s being professional. Ambiguity creates stress. Clarity creates trust.
Q: An EA has tried to raise a concern with their exec multiple times but gets shut down or dismissed. At what point should they escalate?
A: First, make sure you’ve been clear, specific and solutions-focused in how you’ve raised the concern. Don’t mistake hinting, venting or people-pleasing for effective communication.
If the issue carries genuine operational, reputational or wellbeing risk and you’re continually being shut down, escalation may be necessary. But not every disagreement needs a crusade attached to it. Sometimes the role of an EA is to advise clearly and then respect that the executive may still choose a different path.
The key question is: is this a difference of opinion, or is there real risk if nothing changes?
- Leah Mether is a communications specialist and author based in Australia | leahmether.com.au
