Your title might say “assistant.” Your influence often says otherwise — and the skill behind it is one you can deliberately build. Mark Carter, an international keynote speaker, trainer, TEDx speaker and author specialising in people and behaviour, explains more.
EAs have a unique vantage point – guiding decisions, connecting people and ideas across teams, and shaping outcomes most of the organisation never sees. Leadership isn’t about a title or corner office. It’s about the choices you make, the relationships you build, and the moments you step in to create clarity and confidence. For EAs and PAs, that leadership runs on one skill above all: emotional intelligence.
Why EQ is the multiplier
Competence gets you in the room. EQ is what turns that competence into influence.
It breaks down into five parts:
- Self-awareness
- Self-regulation
- Social awareness
- Relationship management
Self-awareness means knowing your triggers before they surface in a meeting or an email. Self-regulation is staying steady when priorities clash or office politics pull in different directions. Social awareness is reading the room (the emotional climate of stakeholders, what’s said and what isn’t).
Relationship management is building trust with leaders, teams and peers so collaboration gets easier, not harder. And drive is holding onto persistence and optimism when things get difficult – energy others pick up on and match.
Like a muscle, EQ strengthens with deliberate practice. The EAs who exercise real influence are those who’ve trained these five habits until they’re automatic.
Coaching, without the title
Coaching isn’t reserved for managers. Asking the right question, listening for the real issue rather than the stated one and helping someone think through a solution rather than handing them one is coaching. And as an EA you do it constantly, often without naming it.
Being coachable matters just as much. Think about taking feedback well, watching how others operate and staying open to doing something differently. Both signal the kind of adaptability that senior leaders notice.
Feedback is where it all converges
Giving feedback well (timely, specific to behaviour and outcome, constructive rather than critical) builds trust and shifts culture, often more than people expect from someone without formal authority.
The harder skill is the difficult conversation; the one where you’re steering something back on track, defusing tension, or saying the thing nobody else will. That’s where EQ earns its keep. Anyone can handle calm waters. The real test is what you do in the storm.
The leadership you already have
Every email you draft, every conversation you navigate, every calendar decision you make is a chance to model the kind of calm, considered leadership that shapes how people experience the organisation. You don’t need a title for that. You’re already doing it.
