The overachiever’s cycle starts early. Most high achievers learn somewhere in childhood that achievement earns praise, belonging and love. Good marks mean people are proud of you, while working harder means being noticed. The brain wires up a clear loop of effort, praise, identity, repeat.
“Fast forward 20 years and you’re not doing it for the gold stars anymore,” says Fleur. “You’re doing it because your worth has become completely fused with your output.”
That’s the overachiever’s cycle – beliefs that drive you, patterns of behaviour that trap you and silent costs you don’t count until something breaks.
But why is it so hard to see from the inside? Because the world rewards it, explains Fleur. You get promoted and become indispensable. Everyone tells you you’re brilliant. And nobody notices that your excellence is costing you.
The EA connection
When asked whether the profile sounds familiar to senior EAs, Fleur doesn’t hesitate.
“Completely. The EA profile is the overachiever’s cycle in professional form. Indispensable and anticipating every need yet never dropping the ball. Absorbing pressure from above and performing calm through it. The three Ps (perfection, proving, pleasing) are written into the job description, even if nobody calls them that.”
Her message to EAs reading this is that your value is not tied to your outputs. The pressure and juggle is real and never-ending, which makes it vital to apply the same standards to yourself that you apply to your executive’s performance. Strong practices, clear boundaries and systems that keep you focused on what matters – not just getting through the to-do list.
“High impact, not at the cost of you,” she says.
High standards versus fear-driven standards
There’s an important distinction, Marks argues, between genuine high standards and the kind that become destructive. High standards rooted in a real commitment to excellence can flex. You can prioritise and decide when good enough really is enough.
Fear-driven standards are different. When the driver is fear – of not being enough, failing, letting people down – you lose perspective on what excellence actually is. You tip into overperforming, overperfecting and overpleasing.
“The tell? High standards feel like pride and contentment. You know you’re doing what matters most. Fear-driven standards feel like dread or guilt that you’ll never reach them. One energises you. One exhausts you,” she concludes.
If you can’t tell which one is driving you right now, Fleur says, that’s already worth sitting with.
- Part 3 looks at what Fleur actually changed – practically, day to day – and the tools she now uses to perform at a high level without the cost.
