In every workplace, “addressing the elephant in the room” is a phrase that conjures images of confronting visible, stress-inducing conflicts head-on. These are the unspoken issues – often lingering just below the surface – that we know must be dealt with to allow progress and productivity. As an executive assistant, you’re no stranger to navigating these challenges in your high-pressure and fast-paced working environments. But what if those elephants are pink?
Pink elephants represent a different kind of workplace challenge – those subtle, almost hallucinatory conflicts that leave you second-guessing yourself and your relationships. They’re the workplace dynamics nobody wants to acknowledge and most wish would simply vanish – take the lesser-known threat of women taking down other women at work. The paradox of the sisterhood that remains so taboo that it is not given airtime. These unspoken tensions thrive in the world of executive assistants, where collaboration and trust are critical to both personal and professional success. Left unchecked, these issues between women at work can damage productivity, team performance, and the overall health of an organisation. And they happen more often than you think.
Take Emma’s story, for example. As an executive assistant in a high-stakes corporate setting, she had built an invaluable partnership with her colleague Sophia. Together, they supported one another through long hours, tight deadlines, and the unique challenges of their roles. In an environment where female decision-makers are scarce, their alliance was vital – a safe space to exchange ideas and deliver outstanding results.
Then, a promotion opportunity disrupted the balance. As they found themselves in silent competition, their once-solid camaraderie began to deteriorate. Casual conversations became guarded. Subtle microaggressions – a missed meeting invitation here, a dismissive comment there left Emma questioning her place and her abilities. Their bond shifted from allies to rivals, and the impact was undeniable.
This scenario is not uncommon. Research has shown that women are twice as likely to bully other women at work, particularly in high-pressure environments where competition is rife. Among executive assistants, where collaboration is essential, these tensions – these “pink elephants” – can be especially destructive if they’re not addressed. So, what do you do when sisterhood turns sour at work?
Name it
One of the challenges with workplace conflicts among women is that they’re often elusive, marked by subtle and indirect behaviours. Eye-rolling, social exclusion, silent treatment, or even “white anting” – quietly undermining someone’s credibility – can leave the target questioning whether they’re imagining things. These “pink elephants” are the issues we sense but struggle to articulate, creating self-doubt and hesitation. It’s crucial to differentiate between rude behaviour and bullying. While both are unpleasant, bullying is defined by its persistence and malicious intent to cause harm. Recognising and naming your experience is the first step toward understanding and resolution. This clarity gives you the foundation to address the issue confidently.
Face it
Here’s the truth: pink elephants persist because no one addresses them. Open conversation is non-negotiable if we want to break the cycle. Workplace bullying, particularly when women hold each other back or actively sabotage their peers, is real and damaging. It’s vital to protect your mental health and find a trusted confidante, for example, a colleague, mentor, or friend, to serve as your sounding board. The psychological impact of being mistreated by another woman can cut deeper than we often admit. Feelings of betrayal linger, making it harder to bounce back. Don’t dismiss or discount what’s happening. Seeking guidance from a workplace psychologist can also help you unpack the situation, validate your feelings, and provide actionable advice to move forward.
Change it
Once you’ve grounded yourself emotionally, it’s time to plan your approach. Start by documenting incidents thoroughly. Note the date, nature of the issue, and any exchanges that took place. This creates a clear record that will serve as evidence if needed. If you trust your HR department, bring your documentation to them in a calm and composed manner, ensuring your case is solid before taking this step. Unfortunately, women who call out other women often face stigma from colleagues. Be prepared for potential backlash and proceed strategically. If HR isn’t an option, consider escalating to a higher manager, but only if it’s safe to do so.
Get out before the hurricane hits
Sometimes, the reality is that the workplace culture or relationships lack the psychological safety needed to effectively address these issues. If your efforts to resolve the conflict don’t gain traction, stepping away may be your best option. Leaving while you’re still confident and strong allows you to seek new opportunities without being worn down by toxic dynamics. Your career is too important to let unresolved workplace drama hold you back. Protect your well-being, and if necessary, make the brave decision to move on to a healthier environment.
Ultimately, addressing workplace tensions requires courage and resilience. By taking proactive steps, executive assistants can foster relationships that empower rather than undermine, creating a work culture that prioritises collaboration and respect over competition.
The prevalence of women undermining each other at work is no longer just whispers in the corridor – it’s the “pink elephant” many see but hesitate to act on. Recognising, addressing, and either resolving or escaping these dynamics can pave the way for the fulfilling professional life you deserve. You’re stronger than the challenges you face, and every step you take toward resolution is a step toward empowerment. Don’t let workplace drama define your career! Take charge and build the professional life you deserve.
Venessa Vershaw is the author of The Sisterhood Paradox: The Psychology of Female Aggression at Work. She is an elite high-performance workplace psychologist and trusted advisor to executives. Vanessa won the Momentum Trailblazer of the Year award. This led to her representing APAC and speaking at the 2025 World Woman Foundation in Davos, Switzerland.
