Christmas small talk can feel like an entirely different challenge. The long pauses, the pressure to be charming, and the fear of stepping on a sensitive topic can make even the most seasoned communicator feel slightly on edge.
Unlike workplace conversations, where shared objectives and professional boundaries help steer the dialogue, holiday gatherings bring together people linked by family ties rather than shared interests or communication styles. Add the emotional weight that often surrounds festive occasions, and suddenly even light conversation can feel loaded.
But small talk doesn’t have to be stressful. In fact, when approached intentionally, it can be surprisingly enjoyable and a great opportunity to connect meaningfully. Here’s a fresh look at how to keep conversations flowing smoothly at the Christmas table, according to communication and relationship experts.
Prepare like a pro
Executive assistants thrive on preparation, and festive conversations are no exception. Dr Tara Well, a psychology scholar at Barnard College, recommends approaching Christmas gatherings the same way you’d prepare for a client lunch: have a few conversation starters ready.
Think of these as your “holiday talking points” – easy, inclusive topics that don’t veer into risky territory. Travel plans, recent TV shows, universally beloved films, new recipes, light holiday mishaps, anything that encourages others to join in without defensiveness. Having this mental list can reduce pressure when the chatter naturally quiets.
Listen with intention
Lissy Abrahams, a Sydney-based psychotherapist, says much of our small-talk anxiety stems from worrying about how we’re being perceived. Are we saying the right thing? Are we interesting enough? Are we accidentally offending someone?
One helpful shift is moving the focus from performance to curiosity. Abrahams encourages embracing “active interest”. Not just polite nodding, but truly tuning in.
Great small talk isn’t actually about talking; it’s about drawing others out. Ask about someone’s latest hobby, their pets, their favourite holiday tradition, or what’s brought them joy this year. People generally love sharing their stories, and thoughtful follow-up questions can turn superficial banter into surprisingly heartfelt moments.
Let go of the pressure to impress
Even the most polished EA doesn’t need to dazzle at the Christmas table. Abrahams emphasises that it’s perfectly okay to be ordinary in conversation. Trying too hard to be witty or impressive can actually create tension.
A useful reminder: people are far less focused on your conversational skills than you imagine. If the dialogue feels a bit bland or slow, that doesn’t make you a failure, it simply makes you human. Small talk doesn’t need to sparkle; it just needs to be warm.
Remember the purpose of small talk
While small talk often gets dismissed as trivial, it plays a genuine social role, especially during the holidays. Dr Well explains that light conversation acts as the bridge to deeper connection. It helps establish comfort, trust, and rapport before moving into more meaningful territory.
Abrahams adds that small talk also serves as a buffer, keeping gatherings light and helping people steer clear of emotionally heavy subjects on a day that’s already charged for many.
For executive assistants who spend their careers facilitating communication, Christmas small talk is just another opportunity to bring calm, warmth, and connection to a room. It doesn’t have to be perfect, just genuine. So this year, arrive with a few topics in mind, listen with curiosity, and let the pressure melt away. You might just find that the conversations you dreaded become one of the highlights of the day.
