Following her thought-provoking feature in the last issue, we are delighted to hear more from Karen McCarthy, an inspirational keynote speaker on resilience, transition and change
She carried herself like an athlete on an island holiday. She took long languid strides. Unhurried whereas the rest of us dragged our feet or raced ahead, not wanting to stand squarely in the centre of our experience. I have met other people with this magic quality about them over the years. A yoga instructor, a meditation teacher, a book-keeper friend of mine and my sister-in-law who was a primary-school teacher.
There was a secret they all shared – that standing tall in the moment and fully in your own skin gives you agency and energy. And with agency and energy, you have freedom, confidence and resilience. You can do anything, go anywhere, withstand any adversity and overcome any obstacle. So, if you are an EA who would like more agency and energy without waiting for a promotion or overhauling your whole life, experiment with these ideas and get centred in the midst of the busyness…
Start with the breath or the body
I recommend you begin by learning the basics of mindfulness meditation – this will give you the ability to pay attention to what is on the leading edge of your present moment awareness without being carried away by thought or judgment. You will want to start with either the breath or the body… Let me explain.
Tips and troubleshooting
If you find it difficult to stay engaged, increase interest by combining these two practices. Visualise breathing into a part of your body that feels tense and then breathing the tension into the earth or the air through your feet or the top of your head.
As with any new habit you try to build, a meditation practice will be easier to maintain if you make it obvious, attractive, easy and satisfying. These are the four laws of behaviour change covered by James Clear in his bestselling book, Atomic Habits. You could start as I did by sitting or lying on your bed with a short, guided meditation (try the Calm app) before going to sleep. For me, the fact that I am going to bed anyway makes sitting to meditate obvious and attractive, while the positive effect the practice has on my ability to fall asleep quickly and soundly makes each meditation satisfying.
Take a sensory break
If the idea of focusing on your breath or body for a few minutes is daunting but you need an emergency exercise to centre yourself when agitated or overwhelmed, try the 5-4-3-2-1 method to bring yourself back to centre. Simply name, in your head or aloud:
- Five things you can see (the smaller the better)
- Four things you can hear
- Three things you are touching
- Two things you can smell
- One thing you can taste
This exercise is always available to you but, if possible, try super-charging the practice by combining it with a degree of immersion in nature. Ideally, you would be barefoot in soft green grass with a gentle breeze on your face and birdsong in your ears… But this isn’t always going to be possible so start where you are! Why not try taking off your shoes and scrunching your toes into the carpet or feeling the firm coolness of the floor under your feet? And FYI, this is not something you can multi-task. So, try disengaging from your devices for the duration. You will be surprised how even a minute-long sensory break can be effective in helping you feel more centred.
Try exercise for mind-body connection
You are probably expecting the next thing on this list to be yoga and it is. Sort of, because the type of performative yoga offered by the big gyms rarely encourages the kind of inquisitive practice taught in more traditional settings. Here, the purpose is to pay close attention to how freely your body is moving and what it needs energetically in that particular moment. Doing an hour of yoga is not like trying for a personal best on your usual run. And you don’t need to be particularly fit or flexible to gain the enhanced calm and clarity that the practice offers.
If yoga is not available to you, try adapting the principles to the things you do each day:
- Notice your hands on the keyboard. Marvel at how your fingers bend and stretch to tap the keys without you consciously controlling them.
- Enhance a walk by paying attention to where each part of your body is in relation to your centre of balance. Arms swing from the shoulders, the back foot propels you forward, momentum builds and slows, and your neck swivels your head to look around.
- Sink into the experience when you come into contact with water – washing your hands or the dishes, showering, swimming or having a cool drink; water will carry you back to your centre if you let it.
Express and explore gratitude
Research well and truly concludes that even the most modest gratitude practice improves resilience by reducing negativity bias and opening the mind to more constructive ways of explaining events. The best results? Handwriting a note of appreciation to a person you are grateful to for having done a particular thing then hand-delivering that to the other person. The positive emotion they feel receiving your thanks spills over to make you feel good; you both get a mood lift and the relationship between you is strengthened. But, more importantly, you are prompted to notice what is good and kind in the world more than you otherwise would.
The thing you express gratitude for doesn’t have to be earth-shatteringly significant or especially recent. You could find an old school mate through social media and thank them for helping you through year nine maths. Or thank the admin superstar in your office for keeping the toner topped up so your printing is always frictionless.
Over to you
As an EA, you need agency and energy to hold it all together and operate efficiently, and these come from being centred. Meditation, yoga, mindful movement, connection to water, earth and air and cultivating gratitude are all ways to become less scattered and more centred. See what works for you and enjoy the sense of power and balance that follows…
Karen speaks at conferences and in-house events about how to build wellbeing that is resilient to sudden shocks and massive change, drawing on her experience as a lawyer and mother who survived a brain injury and learned to live with legal blindness.
