In her book, The Emotional Intelligence Advantage, Amy Jacobson explores emotional intelligence (EI) and says that the five key concepts of EI are not stand-alone concepts.
According to Amy, they are an ever-moving, fluent process, from step one through to step five; it’s a process that is evident in every part of our lives. Everyone in the workplace is also going through it at their own pace — each at a different stage and dealing with it in their own way. Regardless of who you are, every human being goes through this process regularly. It is our effectiveness throughout the EI process that influences our performance, relationships, and results in any workplace or situation. Let’s take a closer look at the 5 steps:
- Own It
Own It is our self-awareness and acceptance of the reality of the situation. It’s taking responsibility for who we are and why we do what we do, as well as understanding the way in which we are wired. EI is not necessarily about changing who we are: it’s understanding the wiring within our brain and working with it rather than against it. Yes, there is always the opportunity to grow and develop, but you also need to be true to yourself and remain authentic based on your values and beliefs. To Own It, stay who you are, accept reality and become a better version of you!
- Face It
Our amygdala is a small part of our brain that processes emotions – our ‘emotional brain’. Our neocortex is our ‘logical brain’ – a large part of our brain where most of the analysis related to reasoning, perception, cognition and movement occurs. The standard process is that the logical brain receives information first and acts based on its analysis of the information before the emotional brain kicks in. Sometimes, an emotional hijack occurs: information goes to our emotional brain first, and we respond emotionally before our logical brain has been engaged. It is overwhelmed by emotion and lacks clear logic. These emotions must be faced. As much as we like to pass the buck and make it someone else’s fault that we feel a certain way, it really isn’t the case. How we choose to feel and respond in every situation is one of the only things we have control over in life.
- Feel It
Feel It is where we get out of our own heads and feel the impact we have on the people around us and the impact life is having on them. It’s no longer about us. Our greatest leadership skills emerge as we learn to understand what makes each person around us tick and empathise with them. It’s about noticing the differences between people and what makes them unique. Importantly, understanding that ‘different’ is a good thing and is required to achieve balance within any team.
Feel It is the ability to:
- Read the energy of a room and the unspoken signs from other people’s body language.
- Be empathetic and recognise the emotion that other people are feeling.
- Understand what makes other people tick, what their drivers are and how to empower them.
- Know that it’s not always about us. Sometimes, the change is a massive improvement for others.
- Ask It
Ask It is all about the way we communicate. The emotional brain is known to fire questions at us during step two, but by the time we reach step four, we are in control of our emotions. We understand and have engaged the people around us, and we are ready to bring logic into play. Ask It is about asking the right questions, but, more importantly, answering the questions that other people are potentially asking us. We start to ask the ‘when, how, who, and what’ questions. We want to know exactly what needs to happen to achieve the outcome; who needs to be involved; how each person will be involved and how they will do it; and when each step is happening. Ask It is driven by the logical brain. It can’t be one-sided; it must be open and effective. It must consist of genuine questions asking for an answer. If we ask for feedback, it means actually listening and responding to the feedback provided.
- Drive It
Drive It is when the rubber hits the road — this is the action and progress step. This sounds like the simplest part of the process, but unfortunately, we are not always great at the implementation. We work with the chemicals (serotonin, dopamine, endorphins, oxytocin and cortisol) in our head to create motivation and achieve the desired outcome. It’s about working smarter, not harder, and leveraging the natural ways our brain works. It’s about doing what we say we are going to do and being efficient while doing it. Emotions can resurface here, and we might be so excited that we want everything to happen immediately. A bit like Veruca Salt from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory saying, ‘I want it, Daddy, and I want it now’ and then ending up with nothing because the greed and want were unrealistic. Or hesitation and fear could hold us back from this final step, and even drag us back to step two to face the emotions again.
Understanding the process for ourselves provides opportunities for our own personal EI growth and progress. Understanding the process for others creates the ability to individually identify how each team member is coping and what it will take to help them move forward. This is a fantastic leadership skill that is evident in an emotionally intelligent workplace.
Edited extract from The Emotional Intelligence Advantage by Amy Jacobson available at all leading retailers. Visit https://amyjacobson.com.au/
